Starting the Conversation: Talking with Your Kids About Mental Health

We all remember the dreaded question at the dinner table: “So, how was school today?” 

While this question stems from genuine curiosity and love, it often falls short because it is too broad and predictable. Children may respond with one-word answers like "good" or "fine," cue end of discussion. To truly understand how your child is feeling, it is important to create a comfortable and open environment at home where talking about emotions is natural and encouraged. Helping children talk about their feelings fosters emotional intelligence, which builds resilience, improves social skills, and enhances their ability to manage stress. These conversations support their mental well-being and instill skills to better prepare them to navigate life’s challenges. 

Children experience a wide range of emotions as they grow – some exciting and happy, others big and challenging. As of 2019, 1 in 7 children aged 3-17 had a diagnosed mental or behavioral health condition, with this number continuing to rise since (www.cdc.gov/children-mental-health/data-research/index.html). Unfortunately, mental health remains a taboo topic for many, leading parents to avoid discussing it with their children. This reluctance can leave kids without the tools to identify or express their emotions, and leave parents in the dark about what their child’s world is looking like. 

For those who are looking for more direction with initiating these conversations, finding teachable moments during everyday situations, for example, tantrums, separation anxiety, exams, or playdates, can help. Tailor your approach to your child’s age and use familiar language to help them label and validate their feelings. Remaining calm and nonjudgmental creates a safe space for children to explore their emotions. Leading by example also positively impacts their emotional insight. Share how you manage frustration or sadness, or express when you feel happy or grateful. Normalizing these conversations encourages your child to do the same.

Tools can also facilitate dialogue and create an open environment. For younger children, incorporate books about mental health into bedtime routines. Check out The Evanston Public Library’s reading list, where they recommend titles like Be Happy: A Little Book of Mindfulness by Maddy Bard and When Sadness is at Your Door by Eva Eland. For adolescents, consider providing a journal as a private space to process their emotions. Respecting their privacy builds trust and gives them a safe outlet.

By taking some of these small, intentional steps outlined above, parents can nurture an environment that supports emotional expression and normalizes talking about mental health. Starting early has lasting benefits, fostering a foundation for lifelong emotional intelligence and connection.

For further learning, check out the following resources:

• Dr. Becky, Clinical Psychologist 
• Connecting for Kids
• "The Whole Brain Child" by Daniel J. Siegel, MD and  Tina Payne Bryson, PhD

CDC. “Data and Statistics on Children’s Mental Health.” Children’s Mental Health, CDC, 19 Aug. 2024, www.cdc.gov/children-mental-health/data-research/index.html