Trust Yoself!

Self-validation. What is it? Who needs it? How do we practice it? Wait, what is it? 

According to Merriam Webster self-validation is defined as, “needing no guarantee or judgment of it’s validity outside of itself…” and “tending or serving to recognize, confirm, or establish one’s own worthiness or legitimacy” 

In other words, self-validation is when you are able to trust yourself and notice what you are feeling, doing, deciding, etc without worrying about what others are going to think of you or having to look to others to affirm your actions, feelings, etc. This is important because we live in an age of social media and social networking sites, where people from around the world show snippets of themselves and their days. The thing with social media and the ads frequently seen on various social media platforms is they can lead to comparing.

One thing my therapist told me, in so many words, years ago, about comparing that I’ll never forget is that when you constantly are comparing you’ll get cocky and full of yourself thinking you're better than others or you’ll decrease your self-worth and be more insecure in yourself.

Stapleton, Luis, Chatwin (2017)  did a study surrounding the impact of social media on one's ability to self-validate. This study found that in young adults comparison on social media is damaging to one’s ability to validate themselves and that people will often go to social media in search of being validated by others they are connected to on those platforms.  This study also goes on to explain the importance of establishing a cohesive identity and sense of self  because a sense of self, “is a fundamental developmental task, and this involves exploring and questioning the parameters of various roles, values, and identities in diverse social contexts”

Other ways of invalidating self or seeking validation from others can look like:

• Explaining your feelings through saying things such as, “ I shouldn’t be crying about X”
• Over explaining boundaries and decisions to others
• Dismissing your own experiences, perceptions, and the way these things have impacted you. 

Some things you can do to improve your practice of decreasing comparison and improving your practice of self-validating and self-approval includes:

• Being intentional about spending time with yourself: in order to validate your feelings it is imperative to feel/sit in them without judgment without the distractions of social media or music, even if it’s only 5-10 minutes/ day
• Affirm: I can trust my body and how it feels. some text
  • My feelings will always be valid.
  • I am good enough as I am today and I can provide myself with validation and approval. 

Gentle Reminders/Key Takeaways:

• Get rid of the idea of a life timeline. Society is lying to you. You are right where you are supposed to be in YOUR journey. 
• Comparing your journey to others is damaging to your mental and emotional health. 
• Get curious about your feelings, leaning into them and allowing yourself a judgment free space to feel. 
• When you find yourself comparing, gently remind yourself that your story is supposed to be different and you only know parts of others’ stories. 
• Remember: Doing your best is good enough!

In conclusion, self-validation is important for being able to be strong in one's identity and in one's ability to approve of themselves as they are today. Self-validation does not mean there isn’t room for growth or improvement, it’s saying, “this sucks and that’s ok.” Comparing oneself to others can cause harm to both your psyche and ability to self-validate. Having the ability to self-validate is essential for a healthy relationship with self and others. If self-validation is something you struggle with, you are not alone! There is absolutely no shame in seeking help. Think of your brain like you think of your physical muscles, in order for them to get stronger, they have to be exercised. So go exercise those muscles!

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