The Myth of the Life Triangle

In life, many of us are on a quest to excel in three crucial areas as illustrated in this triangle: our social lives, our professional careers, and our personal lives–such as achieving both physical and mental health. 

“Are you living your best life?” 

“Are you thriving?”

This type of messaging has been permeating our culture and societal expectations, pushed through social media, career advice, influencers, and wellness trends. But what if the ideal of thriving in all three areas simultaneously is not only elusive but fundamentally unrealistic? Is it actually realistic to be in the best shape of your life, not struggle mentally, be at your best performance in your career, and have a thriving social and romantic life? 

It’s a lesson we have to learn over and over again. But…perfection does not exist. In reality, it is very difficult to achieve this idealized version of life. But don’t worry, this is actually good news!

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The Reality Check

Despite the illusions that we see online, the truth is that achieving and maintaining success in all three areas consistently is quite unrealistic.

1. Social Life: Building and nurturing a vibrant social life requires time and energy. Social engagements often demand emotional investment, planning and/or spontaneity, and presence. When we are immersed in work or personal health routines, our social calendars can become more sparse and harder to upkeep. It’s a balancing act that often tilts, with social connections either being sidelined or overshadowed by other priorities.
   
   
2. Professional Life: Career success often demands long hours, intense focus, and continuous learning. Climbing the corporate ladder or excelling in a personal venture can consume significant portions of our time and mental bandwidth. The pursuit of career goals can lead to neglecting other areas, such as personal health or even social relationships. It often requires you to be available outside of the regular 9-5, or do more than your job description, limiting your time for hanging out with friends and causing more mental strain.
   
   
3. Personal Health: Maintaining physical and mental health can be extremely consuming as well. It involves regular exercise, mindful eating, and stress management. For many, this also includes therapy or self-care routines. The time and effort required for personal well-being can conflict with the demands of professional and social engagements. Have you ever struggled when you are wanting to keep a healthy and nutritional routine, but wanting to maintain your social life? Your friends ask to hang out but it’s always at a restaurant or at a bar, making it hard for you to maintain your goal of drinking and eating out less. The nature of social engagements can make it hard to balance your personal health goals.

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The Myth of the Perfect Balance

Naturally, if you put more energy into one or two of these areas, the other area(s) will start to suffer. The inherent issue with this type of messaging is the shame we can often feel when we are not thriving in all three areas. We can feel like we are not doing enough. The point is not that achieving success in social, professional, and personal domains is impossible—rather, it’s about moving the goal line from needing to achieve all three all the time, to allowing yourself to focus on one or two at a time, according to what you feel is important to you and what you have capacity for.

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Embracing a More Flexible Approach

1. Set Priorities According to You: Focus on what matters most to you at any given time. It’s natural for one area of life to take precedence over others depending on your circumstances and life context. If you have a big promotion coming up at work that you are excited for and have been working towards for years, it makes sense to scale back in your social commitments so you can focus on managing the impending mental stress and responsibilities that will ramp up in this time.
   
   
2. Set Realistic Goals: Set achievable goals for each area of life. Instead of aiming for perfection, aim for progress. Small, consistent efforts often lead to more sustainable results than trying to excel in everything all at once. Rather than setting a goal of working out for 2 hours 6 days a week, let yourself maintain physical health by working out 1-2x a week, or going on walks consistently.
   
   
3. Practice Self-Compassion: Recognize that it’s okay to not be perfect in every area of life. Remind yourself that achieving all three points of this triangle is unrealistic and too much to ask of yourself to do. And remember that in reality, no one is likely thriving in all three aspects to the most idealized version. Consider the sources you are getting this messaging from. If it is online, reconsider who you are following. Influencers and celebrities often show just the highlights and most amazing parts of their days. Remember that just because you don’t see it in others’ lives doesn’t mean it’s not happening. Opening up this topic of communication in your social groups can help normalize the struggle as well. These tips can help you change the language you have towards yourself.
   
   
4. Redefine Success: What do you want success to mean to you? What is success according to your values? Challenge the societal definitions of success. Personal fulfillment and happiness are subjective and individual. Success can mean having a fulfilling job and a few close friends while working on personal health at your own pace. Or it can mean enjoying a vacation fully, letting go of your usual diet and exercise restrictions and letting yourself check out of work so you can fully immerse yourself on your vacation and be present with your family and friends. 

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Conclusion

The pursuit of an ideal life where social, professional, and personal health aspects are all flourishing simultaneously obviously sounds amazing and perfectly ideal. But once we release this pressure on ourselves, we can avoid a recipe for frustration and burnout. Life is dynamic and ever-changing and accepting this unpredictability allows us to adapt and thrive in ways that are meaningful to each of us as unique individuals.

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Resources & Further Reading:

• Ways To Set More Achievable Goals
• I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn’t) by Brene Brown‍
• How to Be an Imperfectionist by Stephen Guise