Solo Sex & Mental Health - Dispelling Myths and Understanding Its Role in Sexual Healing

CW: discussion of sex, sexual stigma, and sexual trauma

Go on social media in November and in the right circles, you may see a particular joke getting spread: No Nut November or “NNN”. A lot of times it’s just seen as a silly, purposefully bizarre internet “challenge” that is solely for the purpose of making memes. The “concept” of No Nut November is that the participants cannot orgasm throughout the month of November. Why? It’s hard to really say, since most people are only joking. 

However, there are some who go beyond the memes. Since the early 2000s, a small but steadily growing community emerged from websites like Reddit that dedicates itself to abstaining from masturbation and porn use. The idea of #NoFap continues to circulate in many social media circles, especially in communities like the “Manosphere” that focus themselves on men's self-improvement. #NoFap labels itself as a community dedicated to health by not masturbating – believing that there are health benefits to be gained from avoiding the practice.

The concept of masturbation leading to health declines is not a new one, unfortunately. There’s a long history of criticism of solo sex, especially in Western History. The biggest difference, however, between the words of doctors of the late 19th century and netizens of the 21st century is that now, we have research to point out just how wrong we’ve been about what masturbation does to your body, relationships, and mind. 

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Why Did Self-Love Get Such a Bad Rep?

Masturbation is a practice that likely predates the human species, given how common the practice is across different species, especially our primate relatives. In many ancient societies, solo sex was seen in a neutral to positive light, even being included in creation myths such as the Sumerian god Enki using his own semen to create the Tigris and Euphrates rivers and the Egyptian god Atum masturbating to create the universe and other gods. If masturbation is such a sacred act that it could create the world as we know it, why would thousands of years later Sigmund Freud refer to the practice of solo sex as a neurosis? 

It might help to look at the reasons people choose not to masturbate now. One of the most common reasons cited by those who abstain from solo sex is the belief that masturbation is against their religion. While religious institutions aren’t solely to blame for negative views of masturbation, there is much to be said about the role of the Christian Church and other religious groups in popularizing the idea that solo sex is both immoral and bad for you – a myth that would carry on into 18th century medicine. Despite the growing research around solo sex dispelling a lot of these misconceptions, a lot of myths around solo sex continue onto this day, including but not limited to: 

• Masturbation causes sexual dysfunction, such as erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, and anorgasmia 
• Masturbation is bad for partnered sex and will lead to less sex with partners
• Masturbation decreases sperm count and leads to infertility
• Masturbation will make partnered sex less pleasurable 
• Masturbation will make you go blind
• Masturbation will give you hairy palms (interestingly enough, as a sex therapist, I have yet to have a client with this condition)

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Benefits of Self-Pleasure

Why would a practice like solo sex become so common in the animal kingdom? While early evolutionary theories chalked up masturbation as being either something “wrong” with the animal or just a response to not being able to mate, research on primates actually has demonstrated support for two theories to the actual evolutionary benefits of masturbation: one, that masturbation actually leads to increased fertility and two, that masturbation actually prevents genital infections by regularly “flushing out” bacteria (Brindle et al., 2023). Looking towards humans, we also see similar benefits of masturbation: in people with penises, research suggests masturbation may help lower the risk of prostate cancer and increase sperm count, and in people with vulvas, solo sex may help to prevent infection by flushing out potential pathogens. Within samples of different body types, masturbation has been shown to strengthen pelvic floor muscles and overall boost our immune systems! 

When it comes to our mental health, there is also something to be said about the role solo sex can play. Above all else, solo sex in the right doses serves as stress relief! It can help reduce overall stress, alleviate anxiety, improve sleep, and foster a more positive body image. Solo sex can benefit our relationships, too – especially our sexual ones: solo sex can help address sexual concerns such as premature ejaculation and low desire. In people assigned female at birth, masturbation is associated with increased pleasure and frequency of orgasm during partnered sex. 

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Solo Sex and Sexual Trauma

A lesser known benefit of solo sex is the role it can play in treating sexual trauma. For survivors of sexual violence, partnered sex and any sort of sexual touch can trigger distress that create barriers to pleasure and satisfaction. While there are many helpful modalities to sexual trauma and absolutely nothing is one-size-fits-all, some survivors find relief in using masturbation as a safe space to explore their sexuality and reconnect with sexual pleasure in a new way after traumatic experiences.

For both survivors and others who may feel disconnected from their sexuality, mindful masturbation can be helpful in connecting with our bodies. In being able to refamiliarize ourselves with sexual touch in the safe space of solo sex, we can create new meaning to the touch and have space to self-soothe with any difficult reactions that may come up. 

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Final Thoughts

Before this article ends, I want to make one thing clear: beyond anything else, it’s your choice whether or not you engage with solo sex. The goal of my writing here is not to say “everyone should masturbate!” but rather that everyone should be informed about the facts around masturbation. There is nothing wrong with having a healthy sexual relationship with yourself, and there is nothing wrong with being a person who finds no interest or pleasure in solo sex. Both types of people are normal. 

It is also important to note that while masturbation alone is healthy, like many healthy things we do – exercise, eating, sleeping, etc. – too much of a “good thing” can become unhealthy. For some people, solo sex can become problematic when practiced too much. There is no “correct” amount of times or specific number that is “too many” times to masturbate in a week – what’s important is not the number alone but if solo sex is impacting other areas of your life, such as getting in the way of school, work, and time spent with loved ones. If this becomes the case, it may be time to consider reaching out to a specialist in sexuality, such as a Certified Sex Therapist. 

The choice to engage with any sexual activity – whether it’s partnered or alone – should be one that you make, fully aware of the potential benefits and/or risks, free from any pressures from your religious affiliation, your family, or strangers on the internet. 

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Works Cited & Further Reading

• “A Brief History of Masturbation” by Need Burton 
• “Is Masturbation Healthy?” by Planned Parenthood
• Healing Sex: A Mind Body Approach to Healing Sexual Trauma by Staci Haines
• Better Sex Through Mindfulness: How Women Can Cultivate Desire by Lori Brotto
• Brindle, M., Ferguson-Gow, H., Williamson, J., Thomsen, R., & Sommer, V. (2023). The evolution of masturbation is associated with postcopulatory selection and pathogen avoidance in primates. Proceedings. Biological sciences, 290(2000), 20230061. 
• Brody, S. (2010). The relative health benefits of different sexual activities. The journal of sexual medicine, 7(4_Part_1), 1336-1361.
• Levin, R. J. (2007). Sexual activity, health and well-being–the beneficial roles of coitus and masturbation. Sexual and relationship therapy, 22(1), 135-148.

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